• ...inside and out

    My beautiful butterfly 🦋

    …It’s ok if you want to fly your own way if you want to make your own wind. An almost unnoticed breeze in the morning fog the first rays of sunshine make your colors dazzling – red, purple, black, and yellow. Dance, my beautiful butterfly, dance! Do a piruette! And a loop! Make your own wind, make the music of the breeze and of the storm, let your wings be filled with the wind, and aim at the stars and catch the universe. And then. Search your way back and take a break. Take a rest. Don’t worry. I’ll be here. Always.   mum 🌷

  • ...inside and out

    Why pretending…

    …that you mean something else? Why not just be, and accept that this is it. Don´t care about all the others, they might not exist. Why pretend, when you can feel the reelness? There is no need for pretending. Your heart is crying, so why pretend something else? This is it, you know. This is it. This. Is. It.

  • ...inside and out,  Uncategorized

    As much as you need

    I wish… …that I could take my sisters hand and go out and make snowangels in the snow. She is better but every step takes time. There is no snow. My wish is like a symbol. Christmas Eve, tomorrow.  Since a year I’ve been working away from home. It took a while to make my appartment ready for Christmas.  I put my two clocks back on their places on the walls. Neither of them works.  I haven’t change batteries. The time that not change is like a symbol. The big table is ready for the big dinner. The red cloth on the table and all the chairs seem to stand…

  • ...inside and out

    Bland vita sjukhusrockar och sprutor

    Min syster är lite fåfäng.  Det är viktigt med frisyren, med kläder, med naglar och smink.  Men det är viktigt på ett trevligt sätt.  Min storasyster är ett år äldre än mig. Den förstfödde av fyra syskon. Min storasyster är alltså nummer ett. Jag är nummer två. Min storasyster hade alltid den förstföddes åsiktsrätt och det var bara att lyda. Typ. När min syster var 12 och gick i sexan var det skitballt att börja röka. Så det gjorde hon, tillsammans med sina tjejkompisar. I nästan 40 år har hon rökt. I USA kan man stämma cigarettfabrikanterna. Men inte i Sverige. Man får stilla beskåda den åverkan rökningen utsätter henne…

  • ...inside and out

    I should have done…….

    A brutal reminder of how quickly life can change. And, the words….. “I should have….” “I should have……” “I should have……” There is soooo many things, that I should have done, that I didn’t done, while there was time. And even if it’s like that, always, when things like this happen, I still remind my self. I should have done… Now it’s a big question if my sister will be able to talk again. Will be able to eat, move… There is a quiet question in her eyes. But you don’t know the question. There is a quiet scream on her lips. Which land brutally in my heart. I should…

  • ...inside and out

    If you not have lived my life you know nothing

    I like taking me out on a thin film of ice without being able to see what’s underneath, and I know that the sun shines from a clear blue sky ought to warm up but it doesn’t and if I think another thought, the ice will crack.   Laglöst land (Nordman) Som en varg I ett laglöst land när vintern närmat sig springer jag med fara för mitt liv Jag har inte lust att dö för en längtan som gör ont men det är för sent att stanna när jag hunnit ända hit Så jag följer ändå den väg jag valt och lämnar inga spår för blodet där jag gått…

  • ...inside and out

    One moment in space

    One moment in space can be a whole life or just one moment thousand light-years long or one thousandth of a second short   One word in space can be a whole encyclopedia or just one word thousand light-years long or one thousandth of a second short   One thought in space can be a whole universe or just one thought thousand light-years long or one thousandth of a second short

  • ...inside and out

    Not even three and a half kilo

    A well-shaped girl. Ten toes, ten fingers. She fills her lungs with air and let the world know that now she is here. At least in the small town Avesta. The mother and father give her the name Mai Elisabeth Ingrid. If Ingrid that day would have been possible to choose  if she really should take the step into that life that waited for her, she maybe would have screamed NO NO NO. Luckily you don’t know . Then. You fill your lungs with air because that’s what you supposed to do. And even if it had been like you could have known, what could a newborn child have done?…